i keep running.but i'm still here.

i've been told that several times that i lived a life in fear, pessimism. afraid to digress from the rules enforced, even though there are ways to go around them, undetected. i can't rid of this trait. i admit. it borders cowardice. i need to escape.i need to run. to anywhere but here.

at times it peak of being obsessive. those times i can't tell. i don't realise. it treads the bounds of illogical thinking. it irritates others. i can't hide it.

being afraid to tread outside of law, being obsessively worried of the consequences. it kills my mind. it impairs my five senses. it messes with my mind, my train of thought. thoughts scattered and not differentiated. i need to lessen my imagination. it screws my thinking.

it demotivates. it degrades my self esteem. for all i thought i was worth for, it just drops beyond what i can ever imagined.the imagination pains me.,but that's my only exit. sometimes i thought that it will be nice it my mind could be rebooted, refreshed, start anew. forget my flaws recreate a new self. but i have to face reality. i am only me. my personality is me.i can't changed it. i don't know if there's a way to...